The Catsup

Life has become a series of incidents where I don’t know what I’m exactly suppose to say. The most recent incident occured the other day as I was checking out at the market. I was wrapping up when a senior citizen started to load her groceries on the belt. It seemed like she was more of a regular than I am becuase she offered the cashier a very enthusiasnic greeting. She said something to the affect of “still gorgeous”. I wasn’t completely paying attention because I was about to pay. Never the less, the senior citizen asked me: “Isn’t she gorgeous?” I naturally stumbled and fumbled to find an answer because how do you answer a question like that? There wasn’t a right answer.Thankfully, the cashier saved me and just said: “he’s just a guy who wants to get his groceries.”

This is a bit over do because a lot of my opinions left in the drafts folder have grown cold and moldy. I will try to do this in rather rapid fire sucession:

• I say this as a person who makes monthly donations (just a fin) to her presidnetial campaign, but the moment I saw the “Warren 2020” bumper sticker in Booksmart, I mentally checked out. That was entirely too much NPR style humor for my brain to handle and I just started to appreicate all of the fun that filmmakers seemed to have had while in production. I also started to wondered if John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum was playing at a near by screen and if I could sneak in to catch the part with Halle Berry. The same problem happened when I saw the vastly overrated Cold War. I started to wonder what would happen if Nicole Kidman’s character or well, any of the characters from Destroyer just walked into Cold War and made it a more entertaining film.

• I do not think the ratings for the NBA finals are down because Steve Kerr is a decent human being and believes in gun control. You know, Kerr seems to be doing the bare minium as a human being there. Much to the disappointment of the chuds in the Deadline comment sections, politics are not affecting the ratings. However ABC/ESPN should use the decline ratings as an excuse to dump Mark Jackson from the broadcast booth. Jackson’s analysis of the Warriors varies from proud stage mom to jealous ex girlfriend at any given moment. Basically Mark Jackson is operating at a level below Magic Johnson’s post game tweets. At the same time, there’s Doris Burke as the sideline reporter. It just doesn’t make sense. I don’t think ESPN will change things, but they should at least experiment next season. The ratings are probably down becasue more people are not watching the game through traditional means. It’s on the phone. It’s through YouTube TV. It’s through some glorious Mark Jackson free stream found on Reddit that isn’t the sharpest of quality but at least there’s no Mark Jackson. Also, the Raptors need to ban Drake for attending the next two games. Maybe when they let him into the arena last night, it was too late. Anything is possible.

• I still haven’t fully recovered from FC Barcelona’s glorious May meltdown. I think being too online has made things difficult because I like to engage or at least lurk on our conversations that seem to wallow in misery and frustration. I can’t imagine how mad certain pockets of Twitter are right now as it looks more and more likely that Dutch defender Matthijs de Ligt is going to go to PSG instead of Barcelona this summer. I can actually imagine how bad it is because I am too online. I am hopefully making efforts to be less on line/informed. I’ve locked myself out of Twitter. I disable some push alerts. I’m mostly off of Facebook. I do pop in and lurk every now and then, but old habbits are hard to break.

• I obviously marked out very hard during the pandering season two premiere of “Big Little Lies”. There was Laura Dern dancing to Diana Ross. There was Shailene Woodley and her bangs. Meryl Streep mixing it up with Reese Witherspoon. Reese Witherspoon’s second grade daughter with the music taste of a KCRW music programmer.  It was a party. There was one extremely notable abscence from this episode and possibly this season:  Tom, the coffee shop owner who was extremely horny for Shailene Woodley (before she had bangs). Where was Tom? Something must’ve happened between Tom and the Monterey Five for such a dramatic change in coffee shop beyond the obvious… Maybe Tom got too horny for Shailene Woodley after seeing her bangs and banned her from his coffee shop. Maybe I’ll just have to pen my own piece of fan fiction to wrap up this storyline.